Thriving in an Imperfect Family

A Household of Faith:  Thriving in an Imperfect Family--

Living Like God is With You, Even When Your Situation is Undesirable

I believe that almost all of us could point to family circumstances where our situation has been undesirable or less than ideal.  It may surprise you to find that the Bible contains many instances of dysfunctional family situations, and in a number of these, the believers involved were able to triumph amidst such circumstances and to thrive in their lives and relationships.

This morning, as we continue our series of messages on the family, I want to talk with you about how to thrive in an imperfect family, how to live like God is with you, even in the midst of an undesirable or dysfunctional family situation.  For the purposes of illustrating some key principles, we are going to take an extensive look at the life of Joseph, in the Old Testament. 

In addition to other principles that we will reference this morning, a recurring theme throughout the life of Joseph will be to observe how that God was constantly with him, despite all outward appearances to the contrary.  And because God was with Joseph, we will see how that Joseph was able to thrive despite a dysfunctional and undesirable family situation.  Further, we are going to be challenged to consider how that we too might thrive, by endeavoring to answer the following question throughout the repeated circumstances that tempt us to despair:

“What would someone in my current circumstances do, if they were absolutely confident that God was with them?” This question is so important, because it leads us right to the place where God wants us to be.  And this question is a question we find ourselves asking so many times in life, throughout life.

We often think that the way things work is, “If I’m good, God will be good to me.”  But what happens sometimes is, we think we’ve been good, but God allows bad circumstances to happen to us.  But you know, “being good” is hard enough for us.  What happens when we repeatedly find ourselves trying to live a Godly Christian life, but we find little or no support for this in our family environment?  What happens when our spouse does not share our Christian values, or when he or she is living a hypocritical double-life?  What happens when our children rebel against God and our wishes?  How do we deal with a wife who wants to give up on our marriage or a husband who is abusive?

We read from Genesis 37-50 about Joseph’s life from his teens to his thirties, all the way through to his old age.  And it’s a story where---in one part----we see such terrible things happening to this guy, that, whatever difficulties you’re experiencing, you’ll feel better about your life.  In another part of this story we see Joe entrusted with such power and success that, no matter how wealthy, successful or influential you are today, your status pales will pale in comparison to the heights that Joseph reached.  And we also see in a third stage of Joseph’s life, that he finds himself in a position in which he has the opportunity to pay back the people who have hurt him the most without any fear of consequences.

And in all three of these extremes, we see that Joseph had the maturity and presence of mind---in each instance---to simply do exactly what someone in his circumstances would do if they were absolutely confident that God was with them.”

Principle:  When you are willing and able to do exactly what someone in your current circumstances would do if they were absolutely confident that God was with them, you will begin to see God in any and every set of circumstances.  Not because believing makes Him there, but because He is already there.  We simply forget that God is with us, and we allow circumstances to so distort our vision and so distort our response to imperfect family concerns that, if we are not careful we miss God.  But when we can stop and pause long enough to take a deep breath and think, “Okay, I can’t do anything about this, but despite all of this, God is with me.  And because God is with me, if I respond with confidence that He is there, I will find God in the valleys, on the mountaintops, and everything in between.”

Genesis 37:2-5

2 This is the account of Jacob.  Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them. 3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. 4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. 5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more.

Here we are introduced to a very young Joseph, who was a bit of a tattletale, hated by his brothers.  “Israel” is another name for Jacob, Joseph’s father (v. 3).  What we observe is that Joseph had some challenges in his family.  Part of this was God’s fault for giving Joseph dreams about being superior to his brothers. Part of this was Jacob’s fault for showing favoritism to his young son.  And part of this was Joseph’s fault.  But a lot of this just seemed to happen to Joseph.

Question: Would God allow this to happen to anyone that He cared anything about?  What did Joseph do to deserve this?   His family, his freedom, his future plans, his favored status—all gone.  One minute he is the favorite son of a powerful man with slaves at his service, the next minute he is on his way to Egypt, stripped of his identity and destined to become a slave in an Egyptian household.  Do you think at this point that Joseph felt like the heir apparent of a great nation---like his life was unfolding as He had dreamed it would?  Surely he was asking himself, “Where is the God of Abraham in this?!” Why would God let that kind of thing happen to someone that He cares about?

Maybe you look at your life circumstances and you ask yourself, “where is God in this?”

Maybe you say, “Lord, my marriage is falling apart!” or “God, my son hates me.” or, “My daughter is engaging in harmful behavior.”  Where is God when we so often feel at a loss to help those we love?  The amazing thing we see in Joseph’s life is that God was not absentee, but that He was in the middle of things, despite the fact that He seemed nowhere to be found.

Note what the Bible tells us next, in Genesis 39... “Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there. 2 The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master.”

What?!  If the Lord was with Joseph, he would be at home with his mother and father.  It just doesn’t make sense that God was “with” Joseph!  If the Lord was with Joseph, this wouldn’t be happening.  This isn’t the way it is supposed to work, right?

APP:  Do you ever feel that way? Maybe you think to yourself, “God, I’ve been faithful, at least more faithful than this other guy who is lying, cheating, stealing, and cursing you.  But everything is going great for him!  His kids make great grades.  His wife is skinny, smart and looks like a model.  Their family drives the best cars, lives in the best house, and they look like Joel and Victoria Osteen, always smiling and never a hair out of place---like the perfect family.  Why are you with them and not with me?”

vv. 39:3-4 “When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, 4 Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned.

You see, even though Joseph could not see God in the circumstances--he didn’t even know much about his God at this point---other people saw that there was something different about this kid.  He watched Joseph’s response to circumstances and how he performed.  Potiphar noticed this, and he invested trust and responsibility in Joseph.  Why?  When we learn to respond in all circumstances as if God is with us, other people notice.  Other people are ministered to in their relationships; other people are helped by watching you trust God in the midst of your own struggles with imperfect family relationships.

Do you know why Potiphar noticed something special about Joseph?  Potiphar noticed Joseph doing what anyone would do in those circumstances---anyone who was absolutely confident that God was with them?  He wasn’t trying to run away, manipulate the circumstances, to get home, or change direction.  He was simply---in that setting---doing everything he knew to do as one who was absolutely confident that God was with him, and Potiphar noticed.

Haven’t you seen this in people who experience great adversity in their family, battling to save their kids from self-destructive behavior or who struggle to find happiness in a bad marriage and yet keep their eyes upon God, who live with the unforgiveness of family relationships they themselves have damaged and cannot repair?  You want to say, “you are amazing!”  “Why are you still trusting God?”  “How can you not lose your faith in the midst of these trials?”

And the reason that these people can do this is, because in the midst of difficult family circumstances, you only have one assignment:  to do what anyone would do who was absolutely confident that God was with them.

But listen to God reassure us over and over again throughout Scripture:

“The Lord is my Shepherd…. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are with me, Your rod and Your staff comfort me…” (Psalm 23)

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)

“surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20b)

“…God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’" (Hebrews 13:5b)

So what do you think happens to Joseph, since things are not going his way, despite the fact that God is with him?  We read 39:5… “From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the LORD blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the LORD was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field.”

So, because of Joseph, Potiphar was blessed!?  It was bad enough that God could “be with” Joseph and not bless Joseph.  Now Joseph must have wanted to ask God, “Why are you blessing my pagan master because of me?  Would it be too much for You to bless ME because of me?!”

vv. 39:6-9 “So he left in Joseph's care everything he had; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate. Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, 7 and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!" 8 “But he refused. ‘With me in charge,’ he told her, ‘my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. 9 No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’”

APP:  Somehow this 20-something year-old kid understood something that most people miss---that you and I tend to miss:  That his responsibility wasn’t to sort it out and work it through and reengineer or try to manipulate the circumstances.  His responsibility was simple, though not easy:  His responsibility was to ask himself the following question:  “What would anybody in these circumstances do, if they were confident that God was with them?”

And so he said, “I can’t do this, because to do this would be to sin against my God.”  And, isn’t it sometimes hard for us to remain faithful to God, when we don’t feel as though He’s been faithful to us?  When we pray about something every day, try to take the high road and be the good guy, and we do everything we know to do until we want to give up and say, “I might as well just abandon this plan and take matters into my own hands.”  Isn’t it hard to remain faithful when there seems to be absolutely no evidence whatsoever that God is with you?

 And that’s why every singe day we have a choice to make: 

1.)  “I can make decisions based upon my interpretation of the circumstances.”  OR

2.)  “I can make decisions based upon the promise of God that He is with me.  And therefore my responsibility is simply to live in these circumstances as anyone would… who is totally confident that God is with them.”

What we see in verses 10-20 is that Joseph resists Potiphar’s wife, and he is still accused of rape.  And his reward was... prison!  He was punished for the very thing he had the self-control not to do.  He receives the exact punishment he would have received had he sinned.

And is that not the point in your own life when you want to just throw up your hands and say, “Why am I a Christian?!”  “Why do I pray or listen or even try?!”  “I do everything I know to do, and it is as though God is against me.” 

vv. 19-21a  “When his master heard the story his wife told him, saying, "This is how your slave treated me," he burned with anger. 20 Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined.  But while Joseph was there in the prison, 21 the LORD was with him…”

Joseph has to be thinking, “Enough is enough!  Don’t be with me anymore!  Since you’ve been with me, I’ve been ripped from my dysfunctional, polygamous family, sold by my half brothers into slavery, accused of rape and thrown into prison.  You’ve blessed everybody but me because of me, and now I’m being accused of rape and thrown into the dungeon.  Go be with someone else!  I’ve got a great idea:  Go be with my brothers---be with them a lot!” Joseph’s got to be thinking:  “I don’t want You to be with me in prison, because I don’t want to be in prison.  I’d rather You be away from me while I’m at home than for You to be with me and be in prison.”

1. The Bible tells us like it is—the way life really is.

 vv. 20b-21

“…he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden

Here’s something funny:  Joseph was shown favor…  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a relationship with the prison warden.  I don’t want to know a prison warden.  That’s like saying, “I’m so blessed; I have a good relat. with my warden.”  If God is blessing you, you don’t know the warden!  Right?  And what did Joseph do?  He simply did what anyone would do, if they were absolutely confident that God was with them.

Here is what we need to walk away with, even though we won’t have a chance to finish Joseph’s story today:  It is only when we look for God in the midst of our imperfect family circumstances that we find Him.  It is only when we respond… that we see Him there. …only when we expect it that we experience it.

You see, everyday we have this choice to make:  “Am I going to define God by my ability to define circumstances; or am I going to trust that God is who He says He is and that He’ll do what He says He’ll do and be where He says’s He’ll be?”  That’s the decision you have every time you open your mouth to respond to a family member who has wounded you; …every time you are blessed with great opportunity or saddled with extreme heartache; …every time you have the chance to get even with someone who has wronged or hurt you or who won’t forgive you for wronging them.  It’s the same thing.  Do I measure God by circumstances or by the trust in His promises that dictates my next move?

CONCLUSION: You can read the last several chapters of Genesis and see for yourself how it turns out for Joseph.  But what is important is that you arrive at the same place Joseph arrives near the end of his life, when he says to his vicious, wicked brothers, “

 Genesis 50:20 – “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…”

Because Joseph was willing and able to always take his eyes off of his circumstances long enough to ask, “What would I do if I were perfectly confident that God is with me?”, he arrives at the end of his life---not bitter and resentful and vengeful of his brothers, but rather---willing to forgive them and able to reflect upon all of the good that God had brought out of Joseph’s trust, in the midst of his misfortune, difficulties and strained family relationships.