RESPECTING EACH OTHER

1 Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5:33

A man goes to see his doctor after having a mild heart attack. The doctor takes the man’s wife aside and tells her that her only hope of preventing another, probably fatal, heart attack is to remove all sources of stress in her husband’s life. Then, the doctor proceeded to give the wife a list of things she has to do to reduce her husband’s stress and keep him alive -- three delicious home cooked meals every day, do all the housework, never argue or disagree, be available for romance every night. On the way home, the husband asks the wife what the doctor said to her. The wife thinks for a moment, and then tells him, "The doctor said you’re going to die."

I hope none of our marital relationships have become so stressful that we will end up sufferings from heart attacks out of it. However, if our marriages had been a source of some stress lately, I trust that we all will really benefit from our series, “State of the Union,” I am absolutely convince that more than the many self-proclaimed experts we have in our society, God has better things to say about how we can have a more satisfying marriage. Time and again, we have to go back to the Bible and allow God to guide us on this subject.

This morning, based on our chosen texts, we will find God’s exhortation concerning mutual respect. In 1 Peter 3:7, you will find the direct word for the husbands to respect his wives, while in Ephesians 5:33; you will see the direct word for the wives to respect their husbands. It is obvious to say that if we desire to be supremely happy with our marital relationships we need to respect each other.

How do you understand this word? In the Bible, respect or honor basically means to ascribe value; to esteem; to count as precious. In terms of our marriages, I believe this is applied when we communicate to our spouses through our actions and words that we value them above anyone else.

Gary Smalley, a popular author today, describes respect as “a reflex of the heart toward one who is deeply treasured.” I want to highlight this definition because it emphasizes that respect to each other is the overflow of a loving heart. If you truly love each other, respect can come out naturally.

Have you been respecting each other in God’s way? I would like to suggest several ways to accomplish this:

I     START WITH GOD:

The context of Ephesians 5:33 is within the efforts of the apostle Paul to explain to the early believers their household roles and responsibilities. In here, he carefully helped them understand that everything starts with their respect for God.

Our highest motivation in honoring our spouse comes from our desire to honor the God we love. I hope each one of us will realize how significant this is. Does God know we have an imperfect mate? Does He know that we have weaknesses? Nevertheless, He expects us to submit to each other and respect each other in the same way we will submit to him and respect him. He knows exactly what He is doing. He is in perfect control. Here is a great promise to all who will honor the Lord.

We sometimes say, “But, you just don’t know the kind of husband or wife I have. It’s so difficult to honor him or her.” You see, God wants you and me to trust him. If we seek to honor Him in our marital relationship, He will surely be our sustainer and deliverer. He is the only one who possesses the power to change our situation or change our partners. So commit yourself in honoring the Lord first and foremost.

II    SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER:

Going back to Ephesians 5, I’m pretty sure we are familiar with the specific roles and responsibilities that God has ordained for husbands and wives to bring order in the home. Paul explicitly show us that in order for us to submit to each other, we need to respect the positions that God has designated to us.

As husbands, we should respect our wives by loving them as Christ love the church. This I believe means that we need to place our wives in a very honorable position. If you read verses 25-28, this love requires that we should be willing to sacrifice even our own lives for them (25). We should seek to help them become more beautiful physically and spiritually (26-27), and lastly we need to love them as we love ourselves (28).

So, this love must be sacrificial, sanctifying, and self-satisfying.

For the wives, you should respect your husbands by submitting to their authority. Notice what the passage says:

I understand how this passage has become very controversial nowadays. There are many who would easily dismiss this as ancient or even anti-women. But I really believe that its practice is essential to the success of any marriage.

Submission is a military word that means “To line up according to rank,” or “To be under the authority of.” A wife who is submissive to her husband is not saying in any way that she is inferior to him in intellect, wisdom, insight or reason. The word simply relates to function, rather than status in the home. God places the weight of responsibility and accountability on the shoulders of the husband. God has set up His authority in the home through this design so there will be order.

The apostle Peter also reinforces the importance of submission on the part of the wives.

The word “Adornment” here comes from the Greek Cosmos where we get the English word “Cosmetics.” Literally Peter is saying that more than any external adornment, the key to real beauty comes from the submissive spirit. No cosmetic today can adorn a woman more than “A gentle and quite quiet spirit.”

God is trustworthy and His design is always the best. May we learn to respect Him, and truly submit to each other.

III   SEEK DEEPER UNDERSTANDING:

Lastly, when you consider 1 Peter 3:7, another aspect that will help build respect for each other is deeper understanding. In the text, the husbands are commanded to understand the fact that their wives are created differently compared to them. The phrase “Weaker” in the verse does not suggest being inferior intellectually, but it refers to being delicate and fragile physically and emotionally. It is important to acknowledge that God created us in this way.

Of course, this responsibility is not only for men, but to women as well. It is my personal opinion that Peter here addresses only the men because of our insensitivity to this area.

Someone once asked Dr. Albert Einstein’s wife if she understood the theory of relativity. “No,” she responded, “but I understand the doctor.”

How well do you know your spouse? Do you know each other well enough to accept and applaud your differences? Understanding is the key. The more you understand, the more you will appreciate, and the more you appreciate, the more you will love each other.

On this aspect, I would like to leave a very important warning - Never try to change your spouse by nagging.

Nagging happens when you pester or trouble your spouse with continual scolding, correction or fault-finding. This kind of approach will never result to any change. You are better off trusting the Lord for the situation.

I like how Peter provided the motivation at the last part of the verse - so that nothing will hinder your prayers. When we honor each other, God will surely honor us by answering our prayers.

Respecting your spouse is definitely a process. Practice makes it perfect, and I hope we will remember to do these three things:

• Start with God
• Submit to each other
• Seek deeper understanding

Let’s be committed in building healthy and happy marriages. God grace will always be sufficient for us as we purpose to honor each other.