Deciding to be the Right Mate

A Household of Faith: (Part V)

                                           DECIDING TO BE THE RIGHT MATE

 Genesis 2:18-25 (NIV):
18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.
20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Getting married is no doubt one of the most important decisions any man or woman will make in life, most especially for a believer in Christ. In the Bible, it is clear that marriages matter to God and He expects this relationship to be a lifetime commitment. Hence, selecting the right mate has always been the greatest concern among single people who are pursuing marriage.

            It looks like this task has become really challenging among many people today. It has been said that in the later part of nineteen eighties the average age for first time marriages in America was 23 for the men and 22 for the women. Today, the average age for first time marriages happens at 27 for men and 26 for women. Social scientists are saying that this seems to be working because based on statistics that there are lesser divorces for marriages occurring in these later ages than those who are getting married 23 and under. However, the dangerous part with this trend is the tendency by many to consider living in together first without getting married to determine if they are really right for each other.  I would seriously warn all our singles about this. I don’t think living together like husband and wife without actually getting married is the best thing to do. Beside the fact that this is very much against God’s revealed will and therefore He would not bless, you would open yourselves to a lot of heartaches because of the emotional investments you are going to make in a relationship that lacks commitment right on the front end. This kind of relationship is not worth having.

            This is the reason why I want to talk about the theme, “Deciding to be the Right Mate.” For many of you who are praying to get married, I know the common idea is always finding the right person. This morning, I want to convince you that the right attitude is actually becoming the right person in order for you to be drawn to the right person. Of course, this doesn’t exclude the married people. As all of us continue to work on our marriages, we need to be convinced that we cannot change our partners in becoming the right mate/partner. Only God possesses the power to do that.  If we keep trying to play god in your marriages, chances are, we would never be happy in our relationship. The truth is: the only person we can at least change is ourselves. We have the ability to be kind of people God wants us to be to our marriage partners. That’s the reason why I felt it would help us to revisit the very first text that speaks of marriage in the Bible. I would like us to examine why God has ordained marriage and what should be our attitudes as married people towards this relationship. Allow me to share with you some of the things you have to do so you and I can be the right mate: 

I           BELIEVE YOU WERE FORMED FOR EACH OTHER:

    Our text begins with an unusual comment coming from God in verse 18 - "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." The background of this is God’s six-day creation. At the end of the first day of creation, God looks at what He created and He said, “It is good.” The second day, He did the same, and again said, “It is good.” Third Day . . . Fourth Day . . . Fifth Day, He did the same thing . . . Then on the sixth day, after He created Adam, He said, “It is not good . . .” Evidently, the comment did not come because something was wrong with the way Adam was formed, but the fact that Adam was by Himself. He was all alone. If you look at verses 19-20, you will read Adam naming all the animals around him. While fulfilling his responsibility, he soon realized his being alone. All the animals came in pairs, while He was by himself. On account of this, God formed Eve while Adam was sleeping. She was formed to meet exactly the need of Adam.

            I am convinced that a strong and healthy marriage must be based on the belief that your spouse is a gift from God like Adam believing without any shadow of doubt that Eve was formed just for him. Listen to Adam declaring to Eve - "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man” (v23).

            Every married couple here this morning must believe that their marriage is not a mistake. I understand that some marriages don’t have the best circumstances right off the bat. One particular example is when there is no spiritual compatibility. What do I mean with this?

            The Bible is very clear that a Christian man or woman must never marry a non-Christian. If you examine both the Old and New Testaments, you will find many verses to establish this truth:

Deuteronomy 7:3-4 (NIV)
3 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons,
4 for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord's anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NIV)
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

            In Deuteronomy, as the nation of Israel was preparing to enter the Promised Land. God warned them not to inter-marry with the Canaanites or the pagans because they would surely turn their hearts away from God.  Plainly, this is also the reason why it is prohibited in the New Testament.

            For the single people who are here, I hope you won’t make the mistake of disobeying God’s clear command. You might be saying, “I can do better.  I can help that person turn to God, instead of me turning away from God.”  My response to this is the example of King Solomon:

1 Kings 11:1-2, 4 (NIV)
1 King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh's daughter--Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites.
2 They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods." Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.

4 As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been.

                Beloved, God knows us enough to warn us about marrying a person who doesn’t agree with our faith. There are more complications if we follow this path.

            Now, if you started out your marriage without spiritual compatibility, can you still cling to the idea that your marriage is not a mistake? I always look to God as sovereign and gracious. If you acknowledge your sin of disobedience, and seek His forgiveness, He can turn your ugly beginning into a beautiful ending. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying; I’m not saying it is okay. God will surely discipline, and there will be serious consequences. But if you invite God into your relationship, God can allow His grace to heal the mistake.

            Nevertheless, for all of us who are married, we should believe God has allowed us to marry our spouse either directly or permissively. If we let Him be at the center of our marriage, He can allow our marriages to flourish.

II         BE THE BEST FRIEND EVER:

            Another truth we can draw from the passage is the fact that Eve was created by God to give Adam a companion to assist him in life. I believe she was not to be treated as a slave, but Adam’s best friend.    

            The word “helper” in verse 18 is not a put down. In fact, the same word is used to refer to God Himself:

Psalms 33:20 (NIV)
20 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.

                Literally, this word simply means someone who assists another to reach fulfillment. What a great word! God in His great goodness and wisdom has given you to your spouse so that he or she could be the kind of person God wants him or her to be. In addition, the verse used another word – suitable.  This brings to light the idea of God has given us a spouse who supplies what we lack. I love this idea! Right from the very beginning, God is saying that in marriage, He has given a companion in life not only because he doesn’t want us to be alone. He or she is someone who compliments us so we can reach our highest potential as individuals. Again, you have to believe that there is no other individual who could help you in life more than your marriage partner. For me, that’s what best friends are for.

            But why is it that some couples don’t develop to be very good friends? Here are some factors:

  • Selfishness – The bond between husband and wife=2 0is love. But not the worldly kind that is too selfish. Both should look to Jesus as their example for love – He gave Himself for the one He loves (Eph. 5: 25).
  • Lack of Communication – Openness to each other is a must to avoid misunderstanding. Both should be willing to share and open up their thoughts, feelings, even their desires and dreams in order to achieve deeper level of intimacy  as friends (Eph. 4:15).
  •  Lack of Respect – Couples should be committed to treat each other as equals, respecting each other. Equal partners agree on goals together and work as a team to achieve these goals. They show equal commitment to the relationship and provide mutual support and nurturing. Each values the other’s work life as highly as his or her own. In Ancient times, there was a greater tendency to look down on women so the apostle Peter gave this reminder:

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

  • Busyness – Friendship in marriage can grow with sufficient time spent together. The easiest way to kill any marriage is not give time to it. Unfortunately, this is what’s killing many marital relationships today. I hope you won’t use your jobs as an excuse for your lack of time to nurture to friendship in marriage.  

We have to highlight all these factors so we can evaluate our marriages regularly. God has designed our marriage to be a wonderful relationship, but we must be committed to work as hard as we could in order to build it. If you have a much better friend instead of your spouse, it is clear that you have neglected your marriage. Remember, God has designed him or her as your best friend ever.  

 III        BUILD THE “ONE FLESH” MARRIAGE: (vs. 24-25)

            Lastly, if we are to be the right mate, we must also be committed to build the “one flesh” marriage. Going back to the text, the conclusion is for the couple to leave their parents, so they can become one flesh. This statement help establish the highest priority of a marriage. What do I mean? Well, we all know that our relationship with our parents is really important. However, once we get married that relationship becomes secondary. The passage clearly teaches that the leaving of parents is required in order for the one flesh to occur.

            The phrase “one flesh” in Hebrew means to be melted together, to be inseparably linked. Literally, what was once two completely separate parts has become one unified component.  

            This I believe is the most beautiful part in marriage – the union of two lives. This does not only apply to the physical relationship, but the union on the intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual aspects as well. It is clear that God’s purpose in marriage is the union of two individuals at the deepest levels so couples can experience the greatest happiness and fulfillment in life.

            How could this happen? I believe through a lot of commitment. Go back to the text. To put aside your loyalty to your parents and put your spouse before them is commitment. God wants you to consider giving your best efforts into your marriage so that you can experience becoming one flesh. Commitment calls for some risks. But at the end of the day, all the risks are worth it because you yourself gain the highest benefits.