Building Friendship With Godly Couples

 

Growing a Great Family: (Part IV)

BUILDING FRIENDSHIP WITH GODLY COUPLES

2 Timothy 2:22

22) Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

1 Corinthians 15:33

33) Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

Proverbs 13:20

20) He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

            In a good marriage, it is often seen that an intimate friendship develops between the husband and the wife. This is a kind of friendship, which allows them to mutually encourage and support each other. However, best marriages, while carefully safeguarding the sanctity of the union, also seek out help, encouragement, and counsel from godly friends.  

            If you go back to 1 Timothy 2:22, the apostle Paul who has reminded his young disciple, Timothy, to flee evil desires has also told him to pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace. But notice, he added, "along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Clearly, Paul was giving this advice because he understood the fact that the kind of company we keep plays a big role in the kind of lifestyle we have. Christians who desire to live victoriously need to surround themselves with likeminded believers.

            Also, the Scriptures consistently provide serious warnings concerning the dangers of hanging around with those who do not love the Lord. In 1 Corinthians Paul writes, "Bad company corrupts good character." Then, you have the word from Proverbs, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

            I firmly believe the same principle applies to Christian couples. Who are your friends? If you want to have a healthier and thriving marriage, you need to be more intentional in building the right kind of friendships. This morning, as we spend time studying the Word of God, allow me to guide you in understanding some of the dynamics in this kind of relationship:                 

I           ACCEPT YOUR NEED:

            First and foremost, I feel there is a need to encourage each one of us to seek for friends. Of course, I am not just talking about acquaintances, wherein we know the names of people we work with or the people who attend church; but, the close friendships that really affect or benefit us.

            George Gallup Jr. in his book, The People's Religion, wrote, "Americans are among the loneliest people in the world." What he meant with these words is - in the midst of busy lives, overcommitted schedules, and congested cities, many people feel alone, many live in isolation.  This statement reminds me of a story one hospital chaplain shared. One evening a middle-aged woman brought her husband to the emergency room. He was dying of a cerebral hemorrhage. As the chaplain ministered to this woman, he asked her if he could call a friend or relative to be with her. She answered that she had no family or friends in the city. And she had lived there for eighteen years. What a tragically lonely life she and her husband must have lived, and the woman faced only more loneliness in the future because they have failed to recognize the need to make and nurture friendships.

            We all should accept our need for close friends. Why? Because we were created to be relational beings. None of us was meant to live alone, away from meaningful relationships. If you go back to Genesis 2:18, God himself has declared,   

"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

 

            I know that whenever we hear this statement, immediately we apply this to marriage, but I don't think it's a stretch if we use this to friendship. With this commentary from God, we at our very core are created with a hunger for relationships. We will never be truly happy without being connected to others.  John Ortberg, a popular author, commented, "I have never known anyone . . . who was isolated, lonely, unconnected, had no deep relationships - yet had a meaningful and joy-filled life" (Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them).

            Have you opened your life to some significant friendships? Remember, even Christians need close friends for life to be more vibrant and meaningful  

II         APPRECIATE THE BLESSINGS:

            Secondly, let me be more specific. You see, if you deprive yourself of close friends, you're going to deprive yourself of some important blessings. There are several Biblical passages which will help us understand the blessings of friendship:

 

•A.    Physical Support and Help:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

10) If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

11) Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

12) Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

            Practically speaking, having someone to work with or walk with in this journey provides tremendous help. Not only does it make life easier, it also brings a great amount of protection against the many destructive attacks of the devil.

 

•B.     Emotional Encouragement:

Proverbs 27:9

9) Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Proverbs 17:17

17) A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

            As we grow in our friendships with others, we develop emotionally supportive ties with them. A good friend builds us up and enriches our self-esteem by letting us know that he or she accepts and loves us. They become a source of emotional strength and enjoyment to us in times of our deepest troubles.

 

•C.    Spiritual Influence:

Proverbs 27:6, 17

6) Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

17) As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

            Some of our greatest spiritual help comes from friends who care about us deeply enough to speak the truth in love. Our friends should be our greatest spiritual influence. When a friendship lacks a spiritual dimension we should question if it is a true biblical friendship.

            Friends can fill so many needs in our lives that God can really use them to enrich us. This was the kind of friendship that Jonathan and David exemplified. Although Jonathan and David were rivals for the throne, their close friendship forged loyalty and commitment to each other (1 Samuel 20). 

            How about you? Who are the friends whom God has used to bless you? I hope you understand that you benefit not just from what you get out of friendship, but also from what you give to the friendship. We must give to receive; a one-way friendship cannot survive.

Proverbs 18:24

24) A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

           

III        AIM FOR SPIRITUAL MATURITY:

            Lastly, in order for our friendship to bring the highest blessing, we should be an encouragement to our close friends in the area of a growing relationship with Jesus Christ. So many times we have built friendships on the basis of fun and food without seeking to affect each other where it matters most - in our spiritual life.

            At one point, the Lord Jesus helped clarified what is the greatest duty of man. Listen to what He said:

Matthew 22:35-40

35) One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36) "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

37) Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

38) This is the first and greatest commandment.

39) And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

40) All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

 

            When Jesus was asked by one of the Pharisees, which is the greatest commandment? Jesus was clear in saying that all the commandments in the Bible comes down to two commands:

  • Ø Loving Him - 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
  • Ø Loving others - 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

   

If you think about it, these two activities give evidence of a person's spiritual growth and maturity. I believe it is important to emphasize that the love Jesus speaks of in this passage is not a one-time kind of love. The verb He uses implies continual action. Our love for Him and our love for our neighbors are to be continually expressed. In a way, our spiritual maturity is measured on these two areas.

Based on this truth, how are your friendships? Are they helping you become more intimate with God and at the same time more loving to others? The writer of the book of Hebrews, seeing the possibility of some believers drifting away from the faith because of persecutions exhorted believers to be more intentional in encouraging others:

Hebrews 10:23-25

23) Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

24) And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

25) Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

            Clearly, maturing believers are people who are growing in community with other believers, spending time together, encouraging, and supporting one another.

            Personally, I have seen such friendships happen in the context of our Care Groups. During the past 4 years, where we have seen our Care Groups really take off, I have seen couples and families grow in their commitments to Jesus Christ and connectivity with others. Many of these families are literally sharing their lives together. They celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, even vacations together. It is my prayer that God will continue to strengthen the friendships of our people in BCI without developing cliques. With the right understanding about friendship, these relationships can be instrumental in leading our people to a life of commitment and productivity in Christ.         

            So take a good look at the company you keep. Are the men and women who surround you helping you to move in your spiritual walk? Or are they pulling you back? Avoid at all costs relationships that keep you from experiencing a victorious and productive life. Spend time with godly friends, and you will discover the blessings found in walking with the Lord:

Psalm 1:1-3

1) Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.

2) But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.

3) He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.